Hey guys! I am back with yet another moving chit-chat from my little girl gang. We recently met at a hotel for a cards session, when Sara started telling us how she feels so guilty for not doing the exactly same things for her second child “Hardik”, as she did for her first born, “Yug”. Or let me put it this way, why she is not excited enormously about all the little things Hardik does as she used to be at Yug’s time.
Isn’t it normal? All of us are very excited, and actually beyond a limit for our first borns, and we usually miss that zeal or devotion for our second or third children. Perhaps normal human psychology. Sara says her mother-in-law is also now a bit aged, they have planned Hardik 6 years after Yug, and so she cannot run behind nor do his chores as she used to do for Yug. She further says, “And I feel the same! For Yug I spent about 3 days looking for a scrapbook, which I decorated so joyfully, and now this time I feel, what is even the need of it. For Yug I got the best high-chairs and musical toys, and for Hardik, we are using those old ones. We got some new as well but we quickly bought them. I or my mum-in-law used to feed Yug ourselves, but now we sometimes rely on the nanny for Hardik. My cousins were also so excited for Yug; Yug was on everybody’s Facebook profile picture, but not the case with Hardik. Isn’t it unfair? I love them both; I love Hardik even more because he is too small as of now. We are not even poor now that I think I cannot do all that for Hardik.” Sara was literally in tears while telling us all this.
What we all were thinking, and knew that Sara also knew very well, that the time and energy is divided among two children when the second one is born. Also, rightly is it said, the first baby makes you a parent, and the second one makes you a referee. I feel we must all not be so over-obsessed with children. Every child has his own luck, and being the eldest or the youngest have its own strains attached. We discussed that Hardik went to the best playschool, as they had already experimented two with Yug. Hardik was protected in school by Yug. Hardik spoke earlier at about 1 year as compared to Yug who started speaking two months later than his sibling. Only because Hardik had Yug who could talk to him endlessly the entire day and even during the night. So why feel guilty?
It is normal for us to get a bit more involved in something that is happening for the first time. And yes, like Sara’s mother in law, our in-laws are also younger at the time of first babies. But we know that we love all our children dearly and equally. One must not compare apples to oranges.
It is ok if you still feel a little about it, perhaps that is how parents usually are, and that is why God sent them in His own place! But there is no need to stretch this feeling to a guilty boundary so that it starts affecting you. This happens with everybody. Even Yug and Hardik would do the same when they grow up and decide to have kids! That is what we told Sara. J
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