Usually, it so happens that when we have our first baby, all our attention is shifted to the little being. We are easily able to change our focus of concern from everything else to the baby. Nurturing the baby does not become that much a problem. However, most of the new mothers’ do not feel so. On the contrary they feel totally drained out and exhausted all the time with no “me” time left to them. Never the least, I am recalling when my second issue Advitri was born after a 5 year gap to my first child, Stavya. And maybe all the first time mothers must start imagining how easy their life is as of now!
Stavya was almost 5 when Advitri was born. We had been preparing him for the last 6 months for the arrival of a sibling. Even when Advitri was born, she got a gift for Stavya, his favourite Little Tikes Mechanic Set (my husband managed that in advance), the one he wanted so badly. I think all the counselling and mind preparing worked. However, it worked only in the sense that he always loved his little sister Advitri and found her adorable.
But we had definitely missed preparing him over the mommy sharing thing with the little one. Or perhaps it is too difficult for children to understand before the hour strikes. And as soon as Advitri and I were back from the hospital, he was all over me as bees hovering over honey. He wanted mommy all the time. And I had thought it would be easy with an elder male child, since he might like to spend more time with my husband playing golf and tennis. But nothing of that sort happened. Stavya wanted my attention all the time.
I remember when Advitri used to sleep, I used to leave her in the bed alone, all tucked in pillows, close the door and stay with Stavya in the lobby outside as he would neither sleep nor let her sleep otherwise. This was not at all like when Stavya was young, we both usually always slept together. Lol! Poor Advitri could even now get my time only while she was being nursed and all. Rest my mother-in-law was there for her, and I was there for Stavya. Perhaps an advantage the elder children enjoy. Earlier when he was alone, at almost 5 now, he had been busy with his own pretend plays, or his grandparents, and did not want me around that much. But as soon as Advitri was born, he had learnt to throw up all the tantrums and attention demanding shows for me. Not sure what all he was experiencing, but not a single day passed without me not feeling that he loved and cared for his dear sister. Never the least, he became too obsessed with me.
All this settled by itself in about an year, when Advitri transformed from a delicate larva to a cute pupa, and they both had each other’s company. But the first year, especially the first 7 to 8 months were like, both the kids wanted me one after the other alternately. And that is what draining is. All the first time mothers out there, believe me, you will know this when you have your second child. So enjoy this time exclusively with the little bunny you have now, until the second one arrives.
Today with Advitri 4 and Stavya 9, I feel the situation has reversed. Advitri now takes most of my time, being the younger and consequently the more pampered one, while Stavya is always consoled by a statement, “She is young, you must understand please!” Although 9 does not seem to be quite an age to understand everything. Funny it is, but both of my kids are cute and adorable, and I really miss the times when they were too tiny to handle.
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