Today I will share with you an experience of a close friend, a small light episode that happened between Mansi and her daughter. I am not sure if calling it light would be appropriate, but read on….
Her daughter, Aira, is in class 3, about 8 years old. And Mansi is a single mother to her. So obviously to meet the day’s ends, she has to put in a lot of efforts and work for many hours at a stretch. She has normally scheduled it to be work in the morning, after sending her daughter to school, and then be free by the time Aira is back. However, Aira, sat down with Mansi to discuss a few things yesterday which really touched me when Mansi vented her heart out to me over the phone, of course after little Aira slept.
She said, “Mumma I travel by bus, because I know, that with Daddy not around, you no longer have the time to pick me and drop me anymore to school”. It left me tearful. But obviously Mansi could not have afforded to lose it in front of her. So she lost in front of me and cried bitterly. She had lost her husband, Samir, to a car accident, just last year and Aira was still taking time to adjust. Aira further said, “I also know why we are not able to go the mall so often anymore, because you have no time.”. Then further to this Aira said, “You have changed my school to this one because you cannot send me so far after papa’s accident”. However, Mansi was relieved to know that Aira never knew that Mansi now did not have the funds as well to take Aira to the mall on most weekends. She did not have the funds to continue in the previous school. And there were a few other things that Mansi told me as Aira thought.
I could not sleep the entire night. Mansi is just like a sister to me, we have been friends since class 1. It pains to see her like this. Until last year she was all blooming and glowing, and now all of a sudden she is totally lost. Mansi is trying to resume back work, is struggling actually, as she had left her high profile job when she had planned Aira. And now I feel, one must never leave a job, or an employment mechanism of oneself, whatever it is, for the sake of marriage or children. It is the same marriage or children who suffer later on, if you leave the job, in the face of some un-toward situation. Mansi said, had she hadn’t left her job, she would have to cope with the emotional loss of Samir only. She would have sent Aira to a better school. But now, it was both. She had to start a new life struggling from a financial crunch and also to get out of the grief. Most of the new mothers, especially in Asian countries like India, Pakistan etc., make this mistake. Some quit during marriage and the most of the rest quit their jobs for a baby. But is it healthy parenting or obsessed parenting? In today’s life, which is very much dynamic and demanding, and is changing every minute, you cannot predict what would happen next. So it is better to raise our girls to be independent and confident, and the best we can do so is by setting examples ourselves.
There are so many mothers like Mansi out there. And I read so many articles on parenting blogs, that mothers must quit jobs for children, or for their children’s extra-curricular activities. I would say, do not. Reduce your work load inorder to balance, but never quit. You will lead a more satisfying and happier life even if you do not need the funds now. Even if you would never ever need them in a lifetime.
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