Parents, especially first timers, seem to forget everything once a child enters their lives. But do you gauge how impactful it can get on your marriage? And consequently for your child? A happy marriage is the foundation for a happy family. And that is what a child needs. Anyone would be able to feed the toddler, or look after him for that matter, but what makes him happy is a loving parental relationship! Rightly is it said that “the best gift you can give your child is to love his mother”, and vice-versa holds true as well. Set some ground rules so that you do not ignore your partner with the new-born around.
First and foremost comes planning, planning and planning. Once you near maternity arrange for some help and keep it ready for the coming days. Be it your child’s grandparents, some nanny, a baby sitter, whomsoever you want, but hire help in advance as you would have no time to train or hire the person once the whistle blows.
Next, and probably the most difficult advice is to control your emotions. Whether you being a dad or a mom, you are so overpowered with the baby’s concern and nurturing, that you tend to forget everything else. Even your spouse. Statistics show that 20% of the couples are either splitting or discontent with each other after their first born. Remember to set your priorities. It is just a baby, a part of your family as is your spouse. So look after each other’s needs as well while raising your infant.
You must appreciate the fact that a child’s needs are endless. A new-born baby can eat up the whole 24 hours of your time, leaving you completely sleepless and exhausted. So better divide shifts with help, and spend “your” shift with the baby along with your spouse. This way both of you can connect not only with the baby, but also with each other as newly entitled parents. Save yourself some energy and time for your partner by working in shifts. Make it a choice that you do not alter your routine with your partner. For example, if you used to take your wife for a walk before delivery, you do that after the baby as well.
Before a baby, everything seems to be your own time and space, but after a baby, you must learn how to take out time for your own privacy and intimacy. It is very easy for a lactating mother to feel completely drained off after the numberless times of feeds she gives her baby. Remember it is ok to use some baby formulas, or some breast pumps which can be administered by the nanny, so that you can take breaks. Do not get guilt prangs as this is completely ok. Maintaining yourself is equally important for the overall well-being of the family. Husbands can also support their wives by being more understanding and compassionate towards them.
Remember, babies got a sixth sense, a sense of judgement! They can very well feel the connectivity between their parents, so raise a strong and emotionally secure child by giving all the required time, love and respect to your partner.
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